The Letter

Dearest… 

I can’t put into words the emptiness that fills my belly as I look at another single line, the tears that fall will not bring its twin. My heart beats for the echo that is yours, my lungs inhale waiting for your response, but you are not there. I have looked into your face a thousand times, without having ever seen you, my heart knows exactly what you look like. How can you miss what you’ve never had? A question that has been asked repeatedly, and repeatedly remained answerless. 
There is a longing in my gut that only you can satisfy, a thirst that only you can quench. 

Where are you? 

I am in you... 

When will I meet you? 

I am you… 

When Will I hold you? 

You already have… 

When will I love you? 

You already do… 

My arms long to hold you, my lips, to kiss you. 

Eagerly waiting your arrival 


Sincerely, 
Your Mother 

The Letter..Pt.2

Dearest…

I can’t put into words the happiness that has replaced the emptiness and now fills my belly as I look at the gentle curve taking shape. Longing for the visits that allow me to hear your heartbeat, reassuring me that your are truly mine. My lungs inhale and transfer oxygen to your forming limbs, anxiously looking forward to that first flutter, waiting for your response to our coexistence.I know you are there. I have looked into your face a thousand times, without having ever seen you, my heart knows exactly what you look like. How can two hearts love so much that they create a third? 

There is a longing in my fingertips to trace the puffy softness of your cheeks, feel little fingers wrap around my own, soak in the unfathomable love as daddy holds you in the middle of the night. whispering great things into your tiny ears.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Eagerly waiting your arrival

Sincerely,

Your Mother

S. N. T

How does one make tangible the annihilation of a life yet lived?

The all encompassing barrenness from the purpose the womb was meant to give?

The tears spring with a dew like repetition each time the name rises and the intensity of the inability to forget is no longer surprising

And on days of gray skies when God cries through rain storms, I am reminded of a one sided decision. To make retribution for the depravity of this one act, I would make a pact to lash myself with hyssop

to give all of myself away

piece by piece

limb by limb

till like my child

I am no more

I Do, I Did

The rose colored lenses have fallen striking the grown in slow motion. The dust it raises replaces them with tears that sting with everyday realities I never thought I would realize.

That little black girl whose voice spoke through black barbie and promised white ken that she would never go to bed angry and would cook and clean and iron, looks at grown size 10 me screaming at underemployed underpaid overworked always tired black man and wonders what happened to make believe...

When did the meadows become battlefields, roses landmines and words WMD's...? how is it that I even know what those letters mean? No kids or major bills and romance has still dissipated to rendezvous at Barnes and Nobles because your too tired for a date with your wife, but will stay up all night talking trash on Xbox Live.

Solo bus rides watching memories of us played out unknowingly by high schoolers dreaming of my pre-reality reality...and the memory still makes me smile all the while wondering...

since we haven't had enough time to become a couple resembling a glass of fine wine, How did I end up with such a bitter taste in mine....

U to I

U tried to make me independent

and I became self sufficient

U tried to make me strong

and I become fearless

U tried to make me more aware

and I became enlightened

The result of all U tried to do

is me no longer needing YOU

Irene

As the first deep throated rumblings of thunder roll in

I am nestled in the curvature of HIM

My face lies between his completely relaxed bicep and forearm

as his other arm, strewn across the depression of my abdomen

fingertips tucked beneath my right breast

I can feel the rise and fall of his chest

the even spacing of each breath

And I try to mimic his rhythm with my own

but his 6foot plus frame is equipped with lungs

far larger than my own

leaving an ebb and flow of in and ex halations

As my fascination with his creation grows

the intensity of the howling winds

outside seem to know something that I do not

screaming at me to stop

But I am oblivious to their dervishes whirling

confirming that the storm is only jealous of the security

I hold nestled in the curvature of HIM

I wish

I wish I could go back

to the point of the decision

for an opportunity to make a slight revision

of my future through my past

I wish I could go back

to the moment of indiscretion

and follow the direction

to focus on the task at hand

I wish I could take the wisdom

learned from past mistakes and erase

the very same mistake but doing so would negate

who I have become, the culmination learned from all I have done

I wish...

I wish I knew what to do now